all things bev niner 2.0

Saturday, September 27, 2008

missing a button, mayhaps?

Woah, like is kelly missing a button on this outfit? Like, a little too sexy for a high school teacher, but not sexy enough for a tv star, you know? Like it is that akward space where she is famous but not cool anymore.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

whoops! Bad Acting

Unfortunately, Silver might have inherited the "Steve Sanders Bad Actor" gene in this show. Her three-way with Kelly and her mom somehow ended with her looking like a rank amateur (which she is, I guess). Kelly is still oddly pretty somehow.

"ty, hey!"


Monday, September 22, 2008

I am finally watching the 2nd episode!

It has taken a couple weeks for the ole CW to post the freakin' episodes of bev niner of the interweb, but the time has come: I am watching episode 2, season 1.

The gang from West Bev has taken a little bit of a beating in the press the last two weeks for not being a good show (and I believed it), but so far this is not true at all. It is a good show. It is just not a show I want to watch religiously every Tuesday (or Wednesday) night whenever it is on. That type of commitment takes loyalty, which, frankly, is hard-earned and well-deserved. Party of Five, Young Riders, GREED, et cetera...

Anyway, I'll report back when I'm done!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Predictions for Tonight and Webisodes

I know I won't be watching this episode live as I have an art opening to go to, but I have discovered that the new episodes of 90210 will be shown in full on the CW's website after they air. Sweeet.

Any predictions for tonight? No, none? Not one? Well, don't worry because I have glanced into my crystal ball and seen:

1. Annie's actor boyfriend will turn out to be a slimeball, but then somehow will also have a heart (and voice) of gold.
2. Dixon will be African-American.
3. Naomi is going to get real mad at whoever Ethan is making eyes at (I'm looking at you, Annie).
4. Nat gets beaten-up and skinned alive by a ruthless motorcycle gang that ransacks the Peach Pit looking for Dylan McKay and his friend, "Stevebo".

Let's see how I do.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Dixon's Sister Has a Name! Mystery Revealed

In this feature, we will reveal the truth behind some obtuse mystery surrounding the gang from West Bev High.
If you have any mysteries you would like solved, send them to me and I will do my best to address them. This week we are going to look into the name of one of the main characters of the show: Dixon's Sister. Dixon's Sister is an important character because despite being super skinny and pretty and rich and an incredible singer and probably super smarty-art, she is the every-woman. She is our access to this exclusive club of wealth and privilege. She is just like you and me. And she has a name.

Her name is ...



Thank you. And that concludes this week's edition of "Mystery Revealed"

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Ethan's Eyes win Our Hearts

This is a running tally of the relative strengths and weaknesses of the respective characters on the show. We start out with our favorites (that sleepy-eyed dreamer, Ethan) and move on slowly to our least favorites (Kelly, Nat, Brenda, the ghost of Steve, etc...). Not all characters will be accounted for, just the ones that made an impression.

so here goes:

Character Rankings, Week One:

1. Ethan - I Dream Of Lacrosse! Yaoh!
2. Dixon - He's got something of the Brandon in him.
3. Dixon's Sister - I don't know what her name is, but I like that she is a hot nerd.
4. Naomi - there are definitely possibilities for her. If she weren't so goddam old, that is.
5. Principal Dad - He's no Sandy Cohen, but he is alright. Maybe a bit too straight.
6. Indian Dude - pure David Silver, but with a little bit of a 'Freaks and Geeks' edge.
7. Silver - outright Gossip Girl and Boston Public rip-off with this H.S. blogger character.
8. Grandma - A Drunk! I love it! Not.
9. Dude Naomi Slept With - I get the feeling that we'll be seeing more of this lug.
10. Actor Dude - He is the richest guy in school. Until episode 6, when they need a new rich guy.
11. Horny English Teacher - So not good.
12. Kelly - Actually not that terrible, she almost fits with the show.
13. Brenda - Totally awful. Awful. Terrible.
14. Nat - I hate you Nat, I really do. Want a fucking Megaburger, fuckface? Eat some shit, you bottom-feeding maggot.

Let me know what you think. Did I forget anyone?

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

First Episode!!!!

Hello and welcome to 2.90210, your official guide to watching the CW’s 90210! OMG!!!!!

Our first episode started out with something happening. I missed it because I wasn’t home yet so I don’t know whether the show begins with the “Da-na-na-na nah, da-na-na-na-nuh-na-nuh, na-nuh-nah” theme song.

(I hope it does!!!) (click above for a sample)

Everyone on the show appears to be a ghost.

Also, I don’t know if it was the pacing of the first show or what, but everything just appeared to happen. Like, there was no build-up. That curly-haired girl (Naomi??) was like the stud-dude (Luke??) is hot, let’s do it now and they did it now. And Ethan is like already in love with the Brenda character? I mean WTF? It is only the first episode guys!

That shit can wait. By the second episode characters are going to start dying and returning from the dead already.

Also, Kelly and Brenda are awful. Kelly is less awful, but still, the first time she appeared I thought she was playing “Ghost Kelly” haunting the school. It is weird. Brenda kinda has a fudge face these days. It is like her face melted. I don’t know what causes that.

The principal/dad thing just isn’t going to work. Like, isn’t it so clear that some mean parent is going to be like “I’m going to get you fired, you don’t mess with me, bub-a-lub.” And then we will be supposedly on the edge of our seats about whether he gets fired or not. Pul-eeze.

Also, he doesn’t look older than Naomi, who looks ancient.

Why is the Grandma on the show? She reminds me of ALF.

In summary: Ethan gets the black kid (Dixon) kicked off the lacrosse team. Then he gets him back on, but after the Dixon tells his girl he’s a cheater. Then they both get suspended from the team for a game for doing a prank involving the porno-director-dude’s son. The brenda character breaks up with her Kansas boyfriend and flies to San Francisco with a cute boy from the school play (They are doing ‘Spring Awakening’?). Her mom finds out because of a match-book in her purse (what?) and gets mad. Her nana is an alcoholic and crashes the car. Also, the principal/dad had a baby with someone whom is not his wife 20 years ago.

The End.